A Reason to Start Over New
by HoneydukesAddict
Summary: Lily and James's seventh year. James decides to change for Lily, but she doesn't know if he's for real, no matter how much she wants to believe it.
1. She Doesn't Know I've Changed

Disclaimer: I really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY wish I owned Harry Potter. But for now I will just content myself with being able to write in the wonderful world of Harry Potter Fanfiction. Unleash your imagination and free your soul.

A/N: Hi! This is just a little something that would not leave me alone! So I wrote it down and now I'm posting it so you can comment on my writing, that I might become a better writer, able to give you joy as long as you read fanfiction.

I walked along the corridor to the Owlery, running a hand through my jet-black hair.

I sighed and looked at my watch. It was nearing midnight, and past curfew. I didn't care though. I needed to think. Think about my number one trouble. The only trouble I have ever loved. The trouble's name was Lily Evans.

Now, you might think this was just a silly teenage infatuation. That's what Lily thought. Lily didn't know how much I loved her. But the truth was I had loved her since the moment I saw her, but I didn't know it.

I realized my 'infatuation' for her in the middle of fifth year. I took it upon myself to get her to go out with me. Of course, knowing me, I took it about completely the wrong way.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_As many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

I pestered her until she screamed, hexed, or just slapped me to go on a date with me. I was an idiot, and I think I still am. I bothered her all through the rest of fifth year, and sixth year.

At the very end of sixth year, the night before we would leave, I finally bugged her so much she broke into tears. Normally, no one would dare suggest or even think that Lily Evans would burst into tears. But I did it. She sobbed and begged for me to just leave her alone.

We avoided each other until we got to Kings Cross the next day. I spent all summer brooding about her. I hurt her. I resolved to change; I didn't want to torment her anymore.

So this year, I became determined to not ask her out one single time. I would try to act like a normal human, not like the 'insufferable git' she had always pictured me as.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

And all the pain I put you through 

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

It's the beginning of November of our seventh year now, and she's only barely beginning to consider that this change might be for real. But I love her; she just can't see that.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

She can't see the anguish she puts me through every time she looks away from me, every time I hear her talk and know she might not ever talk to me, every time I hear her laugh and know she would never laugh with me.

_And the reason is you_

But I still love her. I love the way she looks, even when she has just gotten up and feels horrible.

_And the reason is you_

I love the way she laughs, as though she hasn't a care in the world.

_And the reason is you_

I love her for being her. For being kind to everyone. For giving second chances. Hell, she has given me a second chance, and a third, and a fourth, until she was so fed up she couldn't stand being around me anymore.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

I wish she would even talk to me. Have a civil conversation. Maybe even smile at me for just one time.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

I want her so badly. Just to talk to. To laugh with. To walk around the lake with. To go to Hogsmeade with. To even do bloody homework with!

But she doesn't see how badly I need her. I don't know if she ever will.

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

And the reason is you 

A/N: Okay, well, that's it. I know it's pretty short, but I couldn't make a songfic a songfic with way too much words and not enough song. I've gotten ideas for a second chapter in Lily's PoV with her own special song and a third chapter where they hook up. But let me know if I should keep this as a one-shot or continue. I really really really would love reviews. They brighten my day… or really like week. So have a heart and review!

Also, if you like my writing, please please please check out my other L/J story, Rantings and Ravings. It's Lily's first person, and I'm trying to get it started good and make it really nice and humorous and everything. But it desperately needs ideas and criticism. Thanks!

:mello:


	2. Does He Care Anymore?

Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter, and never will. Maybe one day I will own my own fiction world, and everyone will love me and idolize me as they do to J. K. Rowling. Maybe.

A/N: ok well I dunt know how good this chp but read and review it newayz!!

I sat down in my favorite squashy armchair by the fireplace, which was in the Gryffindor Common Room.

Most of the time I spent at Hogwarts was here, when I wasn't doing homework or in class, or spending time with my best friend, Melanie Hughes.

It was kind of in the corner of the Common Room, in the shadows, where you had to look twice to see someone sitting in it. But it was near enough to the fire where you could hear it crackle and smell the burning wood.

A few minutes ago, James Potter had walked in the Common Room, looking very preoccupied about something. He didn't notice me sitting in my chair, quietly observe him run his hands through his hair, a habit of his which used to annoy me to no end, but now I found rather attractive.

I settled back into the comfortable chair, getting ready to have a good think about an issue that had been on my mind. I had waited all day, through all my classes, meals, and homework, to get to this chair, to sit alone in the quiet Common Room and think.

James Potter. I don't know what to think about him anymore. He used to bother me endlessly, asking me to go out with him. It infuriated me. He thought I was the one girl at Hogwarts that wouldn't bow down to him, so he wanted me, of course.

But now… this year he doesn't seem like that. Now that he's different, and I would so accept an invitation to Hogsmeade with him, he's not asking me out.

_Restless tonight_

_Cause I wasted the light_

_Between both these times_

_I drew a really thin line_

_It's nothing I planned_

_And not that I can_

_But you should be mine_

Across that line 

I wish he would've changed sooner. Then I could have gone out with him, possibly turn into his girlfriend, and we would be the perfect couple. Right. Like something that wonderful would ever happen to me.

I would do anything to get him to ask me out again. To constantly ask me out, begging me with that adorable grin of his, and his wonderfully messed up hair.

But the truth is, I like him, maybe even love him. It's like I can't wait to see him in the mornings, and all I ever think and dream about is him. It's scary how much my feelings for him have changed in the past three months or so.

But I don't know if he likes me anymore. Maybe, after all the times I've yelled at him, he now despises me.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

Perhaps he's given up on me. After two years… maybe it was just a game for him. To occupy his time. But I'll never know until I ask him.

_I promise I might_

_Not walk on by_

Maybe next time 

_But not this time_

But do I really want to know? I would die if he didn't like me anymore! If he didn't care about me ever again.

_Even though I know_

_I don't want to know_

_Yeah I guess I know_

_I just hate how it sounds_

I would just forever be 'the girl James Potter used to like,' watching him be happy with some other girl. Damn, he's just consuming all of my thoughts these days.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

I like him, I think. Maybe it's just a crush, but I doubt it. It's unreal. Like I'm obsessed with him or something, now. It might be that, now that he doesn't like me, I want him. People always want what they can't get.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

Okay. So I like him, maybe something more. I've established that fact. Now what? Do I run after him and beg his forgiveness, after turning him down over and over again?

If I traded it all 

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

If I knew all about this one thing 

_Wouldn't that be something_

I want to know what he's thinking. Does he still like me? Or even care? Would he even be my friend, if worse comes to worse?

_Even though I know_

_I don't want to know_

_Yeah I guess I know_

I just hate how it sounds 

Love is evil. Love is evil. Love is evil. It corrupts the mind, until all you can think about is that one person.

_Even though I know_

_I don't want to know_

_Yeah I guess I know_

_I just hate how it sounds_

The way he looks so good in his quidditch robes. How he is so charming and nice, with his grin that could win anyone over. I thought it would never win me over, but look how I am now.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

I bet he is silently laughing at me, every time he sees me. He knows that I want him.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

But no, he isn't that kind of guy. He's wonderful, amazing, smart, kind, good-looking… Too bad I couldn't figure all that out a few months ago, when he still wanted me.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn't that be something_

Now, if he asked me to Hogsmeade, or even talked to me, I would jump at the chance, just to be around him.

What will I do? I suppose it will work out in the end. For better or for worse. I'll just have to wait until then.

_If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out…_

A/N: well I hope y'all like that! Im about halfway dun with chapter three, and hope to have it finished and posted by Friday or so. Any ideas tell me. Heres tha responses!

Response to Reviewers:

Hpandfriendsruletheworld: hi hi! Glad you liked it and hope u like lily's chapter.

banana-princess93: huh? I was talkin about ocean avenue for remmie. This song wouldn't really go with him.. yah benny rules! And I want u to look over next chappie too.

chenelle: lol thanks. I wish u hadnt removed mischief managed.. but that means more chapters for always remember rite??? Lol update!

A/N: well there ya go! Hope you like it. Please review cause that REALLY makes me update faster ((hint hint)) ;) and without reviews.. I am nothing.. lol REVIEW! :D

::mello80::


	3. Together At Last

Disclaimer: I SWEAR I don't own Harry Potter. Really. Ask J. K. Rowling. Or anyone at this site, really.

A/N: im getting better at updates.. although after this chapter is posted, I gotta start on chp 2 of my other fic, rantings and ravings. This is tha last chapter of this story! If ya want more l/j tho plz read my rantings and ravings story.

I hadn't slept at all since I had crept back to my dormitory at one o'clock.

I had gotten my scrapbook, filled with pictures from first year to now, and laid on my bed looking at it. A good bit from fifth year and up were quick snapshots of Lily. I traced the outline of Lily's photograph face, sighing, while the picture of her smiled shyly at me.

Opening the curtains hanging from the sides of my bed, I swung my legs over the edge and put the book up. I couldn't sleep, and decided to walk down to the kitchens, even though it was four in the morning. I got my Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map, quietly sneaking out of the room where my three friends slept.

I fell out of my light sleep and out of my chair when I heard the portrait shut at four, early the next morning. I climbed back into the chair and tried to go back to sleep.

It was only 4:05 in the morning. I knew we weren't supposed to be out of bed, but, as Head Girl, I could make up some excuse. I decided to go down to the kitchens.

Five minutes later, thanks to all the wonderful secret passages the founders of the school had created, I found myself sitting down at a table in the kitchens, being served by a dozen house elves. They knew me by now, seeing as Sirius, Remus, Peter, and me found the kitchens the first month of school in first year.

I got a cup of coffee and sat, stirring the cup, in silence. My thoughts returned to who else but Lily. I had to win her over, for the sake of my sanity. I just sat there, brooding, until the fruit bowl portrait swung forwards on the other side of the kitchen.

While walking down from the Common Room, I wondered who had left there, waking me up.

James hadn't been sneaking out lately, as far as I knew.

It was probably Sirius, of to song some girl in the Astronomy Tower or his new favorite broom closet on the sixth floor. Hey, as Head Girl, I knew quite a bit about my fellow students.

Then I thought about James again. I stopped walking, and leaned against the corridor wall.

What was I going to do with him?

The nutcase, obsessing over me until I loved him like crazy, and then ignoring me.

I sank to the cold, stone floor.

How much longer would he torture me? And then, would he say he gave up on me? Or that… he never even cared?

I began to panic.

What if he didn't ever like me? And he fell in love with some other girl, but I still loved him?

I jumped up.

I would live out the rest of my days alone, maybe watching him with some other girl, still pining over him?

I started running.

I ran furiously 'til I couldn't take it anymore and then only slowed to a jog. I just wanted to get to the kitchens, get a damn good amount of ice cream, and go to sleep.

I picked up my pace, trying to keep my mind off James.

A minute later I reached the corridor outside of the kitchens and walked in through the opening behind the fruit bowl painting.

It was Lily. What the hell was she doing in the kitchens at 4:25 AM?

She looked up, her face red, and her eyes widened as she saw me.

"Oh… er… sorry. Didn't think anyone would be in here," she said. "I'll just go." Lily turned back around, intending to leave the room.

"It's okay," I told her quickly. "I don't mind."

"Um… okay." Lily hesitantly sat across from me at the little table.

"Why are you here?" I blurted out.

"Well… I couldn't sleep and just to… think about things." Lily gave a sheepish grin.

"Oh, I can leave if you wanna be alone…" She hates me. I shouldn't be bothering her right then. But I didn't want to leave her. It's the one time I've talked to her all year.

"No. I can't just kick you out of the kitchens and I… wouldn't mind company, really." Lily smiled shyly at me.

"Er, okay, then." She really didn't mind talking to me? Maybe, eventually, she would become my friend, or even go out with me. I grinned. "D'you want something to eat?"

"Well, I've had a craving for some ice cream." She grinned back at me, and a house-elf came up to her.

"Miss would like ice cream?" the creature squeaked. "What kind, miss?"

"How about mint chocolate chip?" I told the house-elf, smiling. I couldn't believe I was sitting in the kitchens with James, at four-something in the morning.

Soon as the words came out of my mouth, a few house-elves came running with quite a large bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I laughed, thanking them, and started to eat.

"What about you? Why are you down here?" I curiously asked James.

"Couldn't sleep either. And, yeah, I s'pose I needed to think."

"Oh." I continued eating.

"What do you want to do after school?" James suddenly asked me.

"Well… I had thought about being an auror. With Voldemort and everything out there. What about you?"

"Same. My parents are aurors."

"My parents are muggles," I laughed.

James smiled at me.

We talked for almost two hours. I had never seen that side of James Potter before, and really I loved him even more for it.

We talked about our future, classes, quidditch, our friends, families, pasts, our memories, favorite foods and such, and basically anything we could think of.

During that time, I felt like James and I had been old friends for years, even though I didn't want to be just friends. But anything was better than him ignoring me.

"So, you've never had a serious boyfriend?" James asked me.

"No. Don't pretend you've ever had a serious girlfriend; all the girls you've dated have lasted three weeks tops," I teased him. Even if I dated him, would I be like one of those girls?

"Well…" he smiled, "I've never really liked any of those girls."

"Really? Then why'd you date them?" I asked him. I really wanted to know.

"Er, well. All the girls I've ever dated are just… I don't know. I guess I was just trying to take my mind off things."

"Things?"

James grew serious.

"There's always been one girl that just wouldn't date me. I know I was rude, and arrogant, and self-centered, but this year I've tried my hardest to change, just for her. Because I love her. But she doesn't know that. She thinks it's just a foolish crush, but it's not." I can't believe I'm admitting my deepest feelings about Lily Evans to her. I wonder if she'll know it's her. By the stunned look on her face, I think she had guessed the girl was her.

"Who?" she asked hoarsely.

Oh. My. God. Is he talking about me? What the bloody hell? I thought he hated me now or something. Yet what if he wasn't talking about me?

I knew my face looked shocked. I was. My mind was racing. I had to ask him, to make sure it was me.

"Who?" My voice startled me. It sounded so unlike me.

I looked in James's beautiful hazel eyes and my breath caught in my throat.

His eyes were full of something I had never seen, or noticed, before. Maybe it was love. Was it love? What was he doing?

He was leaning closer to me across the table. I couldn't move. I had no idea what he was doing.

His lips met mine in a soft, sweet, pure kiss, just like my first kiss all over again. He wrapped his arms around me and my hands encircled his neck.

I was kissing Lily Evans. I was kissing Lily! I slipped my arms around her waist, bringing her closer to me.

I don't know how long we just held each other, just giving tender kisses. It was heaven.

Inevitably we broke apart. Sometime during our kiss, I had pulled Lily on to my lap.

She leaned her head against my chest and I fingered her hair.

That kiss was… absolutely perfect. It was… so different than all the other kisses I've ever had from other guys. I knew it was because I loved James.

"James," I whispered to him. "I love you."

He held me closer.

"I love you too."

I sighed happily and leaned in for another kiss.

A/N: okay if that last fluffy junk was bad, dunt kill me ive never written fluff before lol. so, that was tha last chp. But im gonna b writin a lot more stuff for other stories. Ive got a ton of ideas just beggin to b written. ;)

Response to Reviewers:

kitty-katty-blu: ok well hopefully all tha criticism would be constructive. ;) wut were u gonna use The Reason for?

buggaboo1: lol thanks! Well this chp didn't have song and I hope it was enuff words fer u. like 1500 or sumthin.. not as long as I wanted, but still I couldn't really think of much else and I wanted it to end there. Yeah snape/hermione is just.. near impossible lol but still u wrote it good.

fire-icecat: thank u! my writing style is my favorite! lol.

hpandfriendsruletheworld: thank ya! hope u like this chp as much as the others. ur review made me write faster! :D

A/N: well there ya go! Im glad every1 liked this n hope y'all read my other stuff. Luv y'all! Oh yeah, and I just got simple plan: still not getting any… and yellowcard: ocean avenue. They rule!!

::mello::


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